Alone

Alone

It feels like I'm constantly asking for a morsel of affection or connection to you.
And the constant rejection is taking its toll.
I don't expect you to always be all over me, but show me you want me, if you do, sometimes.
I feel incredibly lonely and yet you are right there.
But I don't think it makes any difference to you. Not anymore at least.
Nothing hurts more than being lonely when you're with the one you love.

Alone

For Anna “Annabelle” Kakuba

My friend Anna was born in January.

Poor timing but to no end her fault. I shall choke it up to her impatience which has continued to manifest as an adult.

And because it is January, and I’m already poor, I decided to write about and for her because electricity and words are the only things I can afford now.

I met Anna very unceremoniously. Even if you beat me I could not remember the exact moment I did, all I know is that she latched onto my heart immediately. I think we even sang together that night.

It is a mark of our time that true friendships are rare, and even more so, real connections. I connect with Anna on so many things, not least our love for good whiskey and staying home. For that I am more than grateful. But I digress. Ladies and Gents, this is the story of Anna and I.

Anna is a perfectionist. One of the three people ever in history to correct my grammar and in the same breath chastise me for a lousy shirt. “Tubeere serious Ralph.” At a point, Anna and I had a ceremony named “Sundays with Ralph”, where we would kick back with a good drink, great breakfast and/or ice cream and watch horror movies or suits. She has this thing for Gabriel Macht (Harvey Spectre) and even had the title music as her ringtone for a while, but that is not the point. At these Sundays with Ralph, Anna and I would laugh, and talk and laugh some more and more often than not, be mean to people who in all honesty, deserved it (I’m looking at you Trevor Wabunoha). On these rare occasions I found myself full and happy, because Anna is more than a kindred spirit to me. She is my personal person.

Anna is fierce. I have not met many people as dedicated to their friends as she is, as loyal as she is and as stupid as she is.

Anna thinks she is funny. I will not comment on that because she is not only fierce, but insanely violent with her words. She can cut you down to size with a well-timed comment.

In my rough patches I always reach out to her. She has a heart as big as her brain and that’s saying something. She challenges me, on so many topics, and try as I may, she always wins the arguments. Anna tries to teach me Luganda but she’ll always be my translator because I’m too lazy to learn the nuances of the lingo. Also it helps that she’s always on hand to bargain with bodas for me. We share a deep liking for the humorous side of the British Royal family, this I can attribute to my likeness in character to a William/Harry/Phillip hybrid.

Our love for good food has bonded us, although I must confess that I have sort of slacked in that area for a bit.

Anna is my friend. My beautiful friend. And a tea snob as well!

Anna Kakuba, you have become one of my trusted confidantes and my soul bearer.

I pray that I will be a good friend to you, as you have been to me. My personal person.

Happy Birthday Anna!

ILYSM

Why #TweetLikeDonWanyama Signals A Deeper Societal Apathy

Ugandans on Twitter (#UoT) resurrected a tweet from Senior Presidential Press Secretary - Don Wanyama (@nyamadon) in which he erroneously posted a picture of a highway in the US as a Ugandan road in Kisoro. What ensued was the hashtag #TweetLikeDonWanyama with ingenious Ugandans posting a series of hilarious tweets mismatching various landmarks in the world and attributing them to the Ugandan authorities.

The gaffe from Mr. Wanyama aside, what got me riled up was his response. “It was a light-hearted tweet. I am glad that people have had a hearty laugh; the memes are rib-cracking. But I also notice lots of people tweeted great images of government infrastructure, showing the leaps and strides made by government in that direction”. (2017, December 5) Museveni’s spokesperson under fire over “wrong tweet” -Daily Monitor (Online). Granted that a section of social media actually pointed out the good work being done by the various authorities, it seems that the thinly veiled mockery of the majority went above the eminent Senior Presidential Press Secretary’s head.

But let’s take a pause right here.

At no point, broadcast interviews or online, did Mr. Wanyama apologise for his erroneous tweet. “Misleading, false, humorous” -  the adjectives to describe the tweet are numerous.

However, what happened to accountability? What happened to mea culpa? Are we so disenchanted as a nation to expect public officers to recognise a wrong and simply say I'm sorry? I could count on one hand the number of public servants that have apologised and tried to the best of their capability to atone for their actions, directly or indirectly (Just for the record, I have 5 fingers). This brings me to the point referenced in the title of this article.

The indifference towards perceived or pseudo acknowledgement of resource mismanagement, communication inclusive, signals an ingrained apathy towards being held accountable by persons in authority. Questions could possibly be raised about how often public servants are found lacking in the execution of their respective dockets, I gather the responses would be mostly unfavourable! It should be noted nonetheless, that there are several public servants that carry out their assignments with the utmost professionalism – kudos to you all!

This apathy extends to simply saying sorry to our fellow person. The lassseiz-faire attitude of our citizenry towards simply apologizing for a misdemeanour needs to be eliminated, as does our “Let Go and Let God” attitude. If you unintentionally shove a stranger on the street, it would not take anything from you to say “Excuse me, I’m sorry.”. One could even forgive someone for employing the millennial equivalent of an apology “My bad!”. The value of simply acknowledging a wrong and working towards correcting it cannot be overstated. Perceived slight or otherwise.

Mr. Robert Nsibirwa (@rvnsibirwa), an illustrious marketer, avid blogger and self proclaimed “millennial patriot” had this to say about the infamous tweet : “But @nyamadon, wouldn’t a normal dignified professional of integrity apologize instead of trying to laugh it off? We are not having a hearty laugh but trying to show you that what you did as your status as Presidential Press Secretary is simply wrong and dishonest.”

As Press Secretary to the President, seasoned media practitioner and Ugandan citizen, it would not be too far from mind to expect Mr. Wanyama to apologise in line with keeping the record straight. This piece may seem a bit unfavourable to what I am told is the venerable character of the SPP Mr. Wanyama and the others in the Presidential Press Office  but as the mouthpiece of the constitutionally named “Fountain of Honor”, a little more care should be taken when communicating to the public. After all, Chinua Achebe told us, “If one finger brought oil, it would soon soil the others.”

Mr. Wanyama, in cricket terms, you were “Caught Out!”

It’s about time that we start requiring more of our public servants, neighbours and fellow citizens. “Light-hearted tweets” or not."

Dreams

Over and over,
Your voice plays in my head,
Whispers of love,
Echoes from my past...
Why did you have to go..?
Could I have stopped you...?
Could I have saved you?
You haunt my heart,
You haunt my dreams....
And yet I wish to dream more...
If it could keep you nearer...
And yet I wish to dream...
forever...
I find you again in my dreams,
We`are together,
Today.
And Again.

Impostor

You took everything that i could love 
and made it into somebody. 
You played my emotions like a beautiful orchestra. 
Impostor. 
I fell for the lies, 
even when the truth was staring me in the face. 
You're that good. 
To think that i fell for it.... 
You continue to lie to me, 
believing the lies yourself, 
making me the champion fool. 
Kudos. 
Ati intense...
you fed my ego with your lies, 
i fed your lies with my naivety. 
You won, 
game set and point.

Blind

Allow me to be blind 
and let everything else see. 
Let me know you by your touch 
And understand you by your voice 
Let me map your body with my hands 
and know every nook and cranny,,, 
with my lips. Then... 

Let no one say, 
My love is blind. 
For I know you, 

Without sight.

Away

I look forward to sleep.

Sometimes I dream, and

you are there.

And then

I realize,

Here's the reality of my life

I've come to hate.

Careless whispers heated

the coldness of my smile.

Once upon a time,

Long sexy strokes of

confidence colored my

skin,

Because then,

You were there.

I don't know if I'll ever

forget

How you made everything

to me

Seem complete.

You were the passion

underneath the harshness

of those tidal waves.

They used to sink me and

drown me.

And then,

You gave your breath to

me,

And then

I tasted the sweet flavor of

life.

Now, I need to break the

intricate web,

You have woven around

me.

Safety cradles me like a soft

lullaby.

But then,

That was the only song I

wanted to hear.

And then, you threw it

away.

Bittersweet sensations,

Lingered like an unwanted

scar.

You hid me far away from

the painful truth,

And then

You tossed your heart high

into the nighttime sky.

Far enough,

I cried because I couldn't

see it.

Now,

I look forward to sleep.

I can dream,

When you were there.

But like love insatiable,

You remain where

memories call like haunting

winds.

The Sigh

A short breath escapes from my lips

a millisecond calm ensues until the reason for the sigh returns,

The sigh escapes, and flies from my life, 

...trembles in the air, vibrates on the sky line,

filling a void with sadness, mixing with the rain to chill it and me, 

straight to the bone.

This sigh returns and engulfs me,

colder than when it left,

filling an empty heart with its cold, 

freezing my brain and rendering me hopeless,

weak, tired, with no energy to smile,

no energy to write,

this sigh has changed me.

Trembling, wistful, nostalgic,

this sigh carries all these,

it seems as if when the sigh escaped,

it traveled all over the world,

to the depths of Hades where despair reigns,

and brought it all back to me,

giving hell brief reprieve and I like Hercules, 

holding the world's despair on my shoulders,

this sigh makes my heart heavy.

This is the sigh that escaped when I saw the love fade from your eyes.

Ready to love

I'm ready.

To love you.
To accept you.
To know you.
To hold you.
To  be with you, are you as with me,

Im ready.

For you.

Yours...

Could be day 5 without a word from you.

But Im fine. Had a great title for this but the alcohol took it away from me. But I sort of got the gist. So here goes.

Without a doubt

I am yours,
With no doubt.
Ahead of time,
And into the space I say this,
But you are mine and I am yours
In and without time.

I know not who you are,
Or where youre from.

What I know is that this love,
This love that burns eons old.
Burns for you.

So wherever you are,
Whoever you are.
Whenever you are ready.
To experience a love that will drown you,
Into mine being that you are mine And i am yours..
I wil wait.

Above all, a great love waits for you.

And I, beyond the veil..

Wait for you.
My lifetime love

Cold Turkey

I emptied my heart for you so that you could fill it with your being and love. You didn't.

At times we are there for people so much that it becomes a thing. But who's there for us?

I hate these dangerous thoughts.

I'm not at liberty to stop and examine my feelings. They will drown me.

I have no business being anywhere without you.

You infected me like a virus. The worst there is. And I need to rid myself of you. I need to wean myself of you. And I've tried, Lord knows I have tried.

So cold turkey it is.

I will not think of you, even as I think of you.
I will not dream of you, even as you haunt my dreams.
I will not speak of you, even though your name escapes with every breath I let escape from these lips...that you loved to kiss...

"...I'm giving it my all..but I am not the guy you're taking home.'

Goodbye and Good night.... You enthralling being.

The hardest bit

I think the hardest part of all of this is distancing myself from you.
Every place that we ever went together, whatever song that played when I was with you (Sauti Sol will never sound the same)...every single thing that we talked about, and we talked a lot... Reminds me of you.
So I find myself wishing and praying that you were here to share it with me.
And it sucks, because you aren't.

Its the hardest part, experiencing life and all it brings without you here for me to tell, or to share...

But that's how life is.

I guess.

Open up/Not an Emptier

I don't have much time to write these days, hardly have time for anything really, but I read something last night that resonated with the way I have always approached matters of the heart and of life. Enjoy.

"I am not an emptier.
I can't put something down
to pick something else up.
I don't unlove someone
 to love someone else.
They pile in my heart,
one on top of the other
until I can't tell them apart,
Old loves are a bottomless
well of ink in my chest,
And I dip my fingers in often.
If you have ever known my love,
it still exists here.
This is my gift and
my curse, my burden.
My ache, my fuel."

-Kat Savage

I understand this could be misconstrued to mean that I will always love those I have loved before, which in a way is true and then also not. I am not an emptier, once it is there, it is there for a while! I carry lessons learnt, mistakes made and hopes unfulfilled for a long time. While I keep on hoping for the kind of peace that comes with letting go, it is becoming truer each day that I am not built like that. Everything fades after a while but that is point isn't it? That we try to leave marks on the lives of others that remain even long after we have left them. So how are we expected t just let certain feelings go...certain people go, even after they have left us. One option is shutting down, but I again, I am not built like that. I did it once, shutting down, but after I opened myself just a little, I saw how beautiful and treacherous life and love can be. But if you close yourself up, are you truly living?

I have made a choice to live, to love, to laugh, to hurt, to feel pain...because that is the true beauty of life. That you will feel pain, but you will also feel everything beautiful and in between.

Aya...done for now. Time to be a good civil servant.

IN ALL THE WAYS I'D LOVE YOU.

In all the ways I'd love you.

In all the ways I'd love you,
I choose to love you so.

I'd never make you a meal. I'd make you a feast. I'd make sure that every morsel is down to your taste, I'd spend my all slaving in the kitchen so you could remember every single meal I'd cook. I'd ruin food for you. So bad that you could never have another meal without wishing I'd made it for you.

In all the ways I'd love you.
I choose to love you so.

I'd never dance with you. I would glide and grind you over the dance floor until our bodies melted with every single note in that song. I'm sorry, but I would ruin music for you. So bad that you could never listen to a single song without wishing you were dancing to it with me.

In all the ways I'd love you.
I choose to love you so.

I'd never kiss you. I would pour my soul into you every time our lips met. Blow your mind with my passion as our tounges do the dance. I'd leave you shaking after just one kiss. I'd ruin kissing for you. So bad. That the only person you'd ever want to kiss would be me.

In all the ways I'd love you.
I'd choose to love you so.

I'd never make love to you. I would make you explode with passion every single time. I would learn and learn the way by our body moves so mine can move in tandem. I would make my body yours and yours mine. I would explore you with the abandonment of a sailor too long at sea...and I would not not stop till you are spent...in every single way. I would ruin sex for you. So bad that you could never look at sex the same way ever...again.

In all the ways I'd love you.
I choose to love you so.

I'd never laugh with you. I would find the funniest, silliest instances in every day life that would have rolling in the floor in mirth and tears until it hurts. I'd ruin laughing for you. So bad that you will wonder how you ever laughed without me.

In all the ways I could love you,
I choose to love you so.

I'd never take care of you. I would protect you. I would adore you. "You are not a piece of art to be admired. You are a goddess, meant to be protected and worshipped.". I would be there to make sure no harm comes to you. Even though I know you can take care of yourself, I would offer my sword, my life, my heart to make sure you would never lack. I would destroy life for you. Make every single experience one for the books. But I wouldn't just do those things for you, I would do these things with you.
You are a goddess after all and can fight your own fight. But I will be there every step of the way. I'd be there so hard, so bad. So bad that you could never do anything without wishing I was there to do it with you.

In all the ways I could love you,
I choose to love you with everything inside me. Love you so bad, that you will be left wondering how you could ever love something, without loving me.

I'll remain here

I let you in. That was my first mistake.

I'm kicking myself for such a rookie move. I had promised myself that I would never allow myself to feel this way again. But that's the funny bit, I didn't plan on this. I didn't plan on falling for you...so hard so fast. It crept up on me. When did I know for real? At Iguana. When you came and sat next to me and linked your hand into mine. I knew there and then that I was fucked. I tried to stop myself but that's the nature of matters of the heart. The more I force myself not to think about you, the more I think about you.
I let you in and I'm trying to bring myself back, to lock you out until you're ready to walk through the flames of me that burn so deeply for you. The scary bit is the scenario where you may decide not to. That will break me for sure.
I do not blame you, that is for certain. The curse of intelligence and free thought is that I knew what I was doing, I made a decision to pursue you but it was not my intention to fall for you.

I'll remain here...hoping and praying that the warmth of my flame for you will draw you in.

I'll remain here...thinking about you every waking moment, wondering how you are and if you're okay.

I'll remain here...trying to forget how it felt to hold you and kiss you and feel your hands through mine as we sat at Iguana.

I'll remain here...kicking myself for letting you in and thanking you all the same for showing me that yes, I may be broken...but I'm still in there somewhere.

I'll remain here...kindling this fire for you.

I'll remain here...but not forever.

...Under a Spell

She enchants me.
I'm under the gravest of spells I am...
Enchanted.
It's not just in the way she talks,
Or laughs without a care,
Or the way she holds my hand
...the way she opens up a whole new world to me and for me,
A world where I am hers and she is mine,
If only in my mind,
If only...
The way she listens with her eyes,
And cares...
The caution she keeps guarding her being...
The way she slips her hand into mine,
Tilts her head towards me for a kiss,
And oh so gently...

I am under spell...
I find myself unsure of which way is up or down with her...
And knowing the deepest secrets of the earth all at the same time.
I feel inhibited  and free...all at once
And I don't want this enchantment to end...

I am under an enchantment.
And Good God it feels amazing!

...I want to talk to you

"I want to talk to you."

Uneasy.

That's the only way I can describe it. I read a post on 9Gag (which is highly addictive by the way!) that had one of these short inspirational quotes (crap really) that went something like, "If you miss somebody, call them." and so on and so forth.
If only it were that easy.
I find myself in a place that I forgot.
The place where you are mine and not mine (yet).
And yet I find myself here....again. And it's been a long time coming!
I want to talk to you all the time, and yet I do not want to seem needy.
I want to have your attention...and yet I feel you may grow tired of me.
I want to call you and check up on you...but I feel I may be overstepping my boundaries.
I want to know how you are...and yet I fear you may be just fine - without me.
I want to do all sorts of things for you...but then again, I ask myself why?
Why?
What is the point of me feeling this way when you aren't even mine...yet?
Logic stipulates that I should play it cool, be casual about it. (F*** Logic!!)

"I just want to switch off my phone for a day...see who's really there for me."
Why don't I do that? Because there's a slight fear that you wouldn't even notice I was gone.
I've never been overtly emotional although I've been known to wear my heart on my sleeve. But I've seen where that gets me. Not far, really.

And I think this is the magic of you.
You bring out someone in me that I was pretty sure had died a long time ago (about the same time I realised that Santa wasn't real). You make me want to be a better person...someone you could fall in love with, a kinder person, a more honest person, a more focused person.

And yet, I'm still unsure. What if you decide to stay with him? Or don't see me "in that way"?
Will the lessons you've taught me, this new man you've brought out of me, regress into what I was before? Or will they become part of me...inevitably making me a better person all round.

I want to talk to you, but it's never been that easy.
Trying to decide where stalking and checking on you diverge!
To be honest I didn't think I'd be here again, trying to calculate my next move...it's like playing chess! And chess, however mentally stimulating, is emotionally exhausting.

But oh well...rook to k4 (Isn't that something they say in chess?)

...Just musing.

But seriously though, check on me!!

Bad mannered Ugandans!

I have come to the conclusion that Ugandans are just badly behaved people. We just have bad manners. This can be seen if one spent a few minutes studying Ugandan society and their behaviour. Why is it that we must always seize every opportunity to behave badly? Look at our politicians, social leaders, justice system, business men and other various sectors of society? What went wrong with us that we must just act badly in every single situation? And what’s worse we glorify this behaviour and are shocked when someone goes out of their way to do something nice and to simply do the right thing! Do not get me wrong, I am no saint and this is no rant. In a bid to understand human nature, and as such further understanding about one’ self one must study and analyze one’s society, surroundings, behaviour and the factors that lead to every situation. I realise that “bad manners” could seem as a childish and non classy way of describing the situation but I am at wits end. I look at what’s happening and I just go...”those are just bad manners! Nothing more, nothing less!”

When the policeman stops you and you both exchange that little conversation, what I call the Bribe  jazz, what is the first thing that pops into your mind? Do you pray that he lets you off the hook? Or do you start mentally counting the money in your wallet to see how much is enough to let you off the hook for an offence that you may have or may haven’t committed? Corruption in itself is a disease that has penetrated Ugandan society that it has become a way of life. When our politicians and various people in public office misuse Government funds, we feign surprise. But if we are honest with ourselves, we really aren’t surprised! Those “bad manners” of using Government coffers as one’s personal bank, those “bad manners” of using money meant to develop your country to build yourself a luxurious house, those bad manners of putting your personal need above the need of many, of misusing an office that you were meant to uphold...bad manners!! And it doesn’t stop at corruption, oh no! Everyone has been in a taxi and someone picks up their phone and blatantly lies about their location! Or you are still at home dressing but you have convinced your friend that’s waiting for you that you are somewhere in the crowd...complete with asking them to raise their hands...ati you can’t see them! Time keeping...it has reached a point where we actually refer to poor timekeeping as keeping “Ugandan time!” Really?!?  "Ugandan time?!!Bad manners I tell you!

All these are just a few examples of how terrible manners have permeated our society. We grimace when someone sneezes in public without covering their nose and then turn around and hand the Policeman, kitu kidogo to look the other way?! Is there a difference in these situations?! Our moral compasses have become so skewed that we can no longer differentiate between what is right and wrong. We have assigned a measure to how wrong some situations are and yet we completely overlook the fact that it is still wrong. And it is getting worse by the day with Ugandans. I believe we need to re-examine our behaviour because we cannot claim we are under developed as a country and yet we allow even the small things to slide. All these small acts of bad manners build up into one ugly creature. We should not allow ourselves to be defined by such acts. Ati Ugandan time...we shouldn’t allow our pride as Ugandans to be damaged that way! It starts at the grass root. Teach the little ones what is right and wrong. Don’t act a certain way infront of them. Are you being a hypocrite by doing this, perhaps? The line is rather blurred there. But what you are doing is weeding out the generation of bad mannered people. What you are doing is creating a generation of people who actually look above individual interests and make decisions based on intelligence! Again, this is not a rant...

Just musing...!

A Force of Nature

Two way street. People going one way and others going another. Makes much more sense than you may think. In life you have to choose a lane. You can;t have one foot in a certain camp and the other foot in the other camp. Gotta choose a lane. And its not easy, that's for certain. We all want to be able to have the best of both worlds. Doesn't matter what we have to lose as long as we can get the perks of having our hand in several baskets. And this just causes so much chaos. Both externally and internally. Sooner or later you'll be asked to choose, your loyalty will be tested, you will have to choose a side to fight on. And what we often don't understand is that indecision is a decision. They say right or wrong, left or right, choose a side. And we have people deciding not to make a decision. Leaving both sides in the air waiting...and that waiting causes both sides to leave you and move on because unlike a tornado you are not a force of nature. The world will move on without you...we are simply that, a speck in the eye of the tornado....

Unless...


Unless we choose a lane. Hear me out, indecision does not bode well for ether side. You could leave people hanging and leave them always second guessing your every word and over thinking every single situation. Choose a lane. Say yes or no. Say right or wrong. Indecision is the child of self indiscipline and that just divulges a symptom of something deeper and incredibly wrong with human nature...but that's for another time! Choose a lane.

And when you do...

Be a force of nature with that decision. Run with it. Create havoc with your one mindedness. The good thing about being hard headed is that you will never have the displeasure of sitting on the fence. Be the force of nature that runs so hard, so fast with a decision that you've made. Show conviction to your chosen cause and you will find that your life is so much easier.

What happens when a car going at 200km/ph leaves its lane and goes head on with oncoming traffic? That's right..."Eh eh..ana accident!!" You will derail others and, slightly touch others that send them into a tailspin, others will bash others trying to dodge you and even if you eventually get back onto your lane, you will have left an unimaginable amount of carnage behind you.

I know you're getting tired with the cars analogy but choose a lane and you'll find that your life is so much easier in every single aspect. Run like a force of nature with your decisions, and you'll find that silence after a storm where you do not second guess yourself or look back at the damage you caused by your indecision.

Just musing.

Can one write about not being able to write?

When your mind is blank but still you feel the need to put pen to paper, or as it is these days, fingers to keyboard and start tapping away, do you still write? Woody Allen said, “I write better when I have something to say.” And it’s not that I have nothing to say or to comment on. It’s not that my life has achieved perfect balance that I am now in Nirvana with balance being my state. No, far from that. But the lethargy...good God the lethargy!

Words run around my mind, touching each other, connecting, and disappearing. These thoughts are so fast that I can’t catch up. These thoughts come together to give me hope of being able to put down a coherent and inspiring piece of well strewn words that reach deep into the mind of one and drag out your sleeping conscience and wake it up to analyze, decipher and understand the fabric by which this world is made and be blinded by the sheer genius of the creator in intelligent design manifestation...... But no such gift has yet manifested itself in my writing. It is not for lack of time, nor space, nor capability. It is not for lack of material, creativity, or originality. Perhaps one could say that one is tired.

Overwhelming scenarios of situations so deep and so beautiful that you cannot do it justice with words and you are left with the beauty so engraved in your mind that you try and stop...try and stop. You give up trying to explain how something so profound has affected you, at how a simple object made so much sense to you that you can’t out it into words. The beauty of the world leaves you wordless and completely astounded. It could be that. Or it could be the depraved nature of man that shocks you into naught, where words aren’t harsh enough to explain...to show the rest of the world your frustration at inhumane acts...can one not be able to write because of the profoundness or deepness of a situation, or because of the ugliness of the said situation?

We find that one finds situations of diverse polarities so distant from each other but so intense in their being that cannot have words put to describe them. With all these thoughts running around your head, you find that the thought has disappeared. You no longer understand it. You no longer feel it. It has touched you and left a mark, a notch on the life tree that defines what you hold dear, a mark of sorts that you can feel, touch but can’t describe. And if you can’t describe it, then was it so profound that it did not leave the clichéd lasting impression on your soul?

So much runs through, so little gets through.

So many feelings, so little felt.

Too many words, no words at all.