...I want to talk to you

"I want to talk to you."

Uneasy.

That's the only way I can describe it. I read a post on 9Gag (which is highly addictive by the way!) that had one of these short inspirational quotes (crap really) that went something like, "If you miss somebody, call them." and so on and so forth.
If only it were that easy.
I find myself in a place that I forgot.
The place where you are mine and not mine (yet).
And yet I find myself here....again. And it's been a long time coming!
I want to talk to you all the time, and yet I do not want to seem needy.
I want to have your attention...and yet I feel you may grow tired of me.
I want to call you and check up on you...but I feel I may be overstepping my boundaries.
I want to know how you are...and yet I fear you may be just fine - without me.
I want to do all sorts of things for you...but then again, I ask myself why?
Why?
What is the point of me feeling this way when you aren't even mine...yet?
Logic stipulates that I should play it cool, be casual about it. (F*** Logic!!)

"I just want to switch off my phone for a day...see who's really there for me."
Why don't I do that? Because there's a slight fear that you wouldn't even notice I was gone.
I've never been overtly emotional although I've been known to wear my heart on my sleeve. But I've seen where that gets me. Not far, really.

And I think this is the magic of you.
You bring out someone in me that I was pretty sure had died a long time ago (about the same time I realised that Santa wasn't real). You make me want to be a better person...someone you could fall in love with, a kinder person, a more honest person, a more focused person.

And yet, I'm still unsure. What if you decide to stay with him? Or don't see me "in that way"?
Will the lessons you've taught me, this new man you've brought out of me, regress into what I was before? Or will they become part of me...inevitably making me a better person all round.

I want to talk to you, but it's never been that easy.
Trying to decide where stalking and checking on you diverge!
To be honest I didn't think I'd be here again, trying to calculate my next move...it's like playing chess! And chess, however mentally stimulating, is emotionally exhausting.

But oh well...rook to k4 (Isn't that something they say in chess?)

...Just musing.

But seriously though, check on me!!